I don’t just sit here and write pretty words to make everyone feel better, while ignoring my own advice. Nor do I claim to have it all figured out with a perfect approach to life. To me, the perfect approach to life is understanding that it is a journey from the moment you are born to the moment you leave this world for the next. Every day is an opportunity to grow from the place you stand, and refine your authenticity. It is a chance to understand unconditional love for self and others as a tool for your own unique purpose and impact in this world.
With that being said, I’m here to tell you that the last few months snuck up on me in ways I didn’t see coming. I have been putting in the work on my own spiritual path and self development, while raising four kids and supporting my husband who is a United States Marine. In the busy-ness of our lives, I handed over a lot of my energy and effort to the family unit. First it was foregoing a shower, that turned into a week. Then it was skipping breakfast because I was immersed in chore lists and accomplishing tasks in order to free up the end of my day for practices and play dates. Staying up too late just to taste a little bit of peace and quiet became a habit that stole my essential vitamins and nutrients from my body. My hair started to shed, my muscle was being eaten, and my mom belly was turning into something more than the beautiful after compliment of carrying a tiny human inside of me. I was neglected the thing that makes it possible for me to be an amazing source for my family and my future. My patience thinned, my motivation and interest in doing anything waned, and I totally lost sight of my purpose. I started doing things that gave me a false sense of success, and got distracted in world apart from this one on the idea that it would somehow bring me to the realization I needed to feel better.
Then my best friend called me. I was getting ready to leave for my grandparent’s memorial, and I honestly was not in the state of mind to be excited about anything. I was stressed about making the baby drive for two days. I was anxious about having to bear the energies of wounded souls mourning the loss of family. I didn’t want to spend extra money we didn’t have. The last thing I wanted to do was think about investing in my self. I had nothing more to give.
Let me tell you a little about Andrea. She doesn’t take no for an answer when it comes to loving her friends. She does not allow you to sit in stagnation and suffer when she can sit outside of it and see paths out. She is someone who thrives to see you thrive, and this phone call was not going any other way. She was worried about the way I was acting, having been my friend for decades. She picks up on my subtle drops better than I do! Having her own journey in health and wellbeing, she is also passionate about prevention, and if she can aid anyone in staying out of the pit, she will. We talked a little about my impending trip and how I was feeling, and I asked her about her new venture into Arbonne, and the path to a freer career. I am as invested in her and she is in me. She told me all about the company and her research, her experience and excitement for what she was realizing she had committed to. She urged me to do the same and at least try the product for the state I was in, if not to join in on the team. I couldn’t find the path or excitement she had.
I was depressed, and I really didn’t know it. Yet she persisted through my veil, and I finally relented. Why? Because how could I cheer her on, how could I support her bravery and her passion, without carrying some of that for myself? What kind of friend and source of inspiration would I be, singing the songs that I do, while I sat on the couch depleting myself? I have been many things, but I will not be a hypocrite. I sighed, and said, “Okay, get me the stuff the cheapest way possible whatever that is.”
I left for Nevada the next day, thinking nothing of it, but satisfied that I had supported her and had been open despite my reluctance to try something good for myself. I spent a week healing and reminiscing amongst my grandparents things, marveling at the wonder of my grandmother’s artistry, growing some inspiration through her. I stumbled upon her journals (she had many) that professed her own resentments and struggles when her family needed her most. She anguished over her anger for being run ragged, and not knowing how to ask for the help she actually needed because she felt guilty. I saw the inside of a soul whom I knew to be beautiful and outreaching, a soul I inspired to become since childhood. The ancestral patterning hit me like a ton of bricks. In my desire to become so like her, I was inherited the same vortex that was her unexpected end. I would not follow that spiral, she would not want me to, either.
Snapping out of this unrealized depressive state left me with more questions than answers. How did I get here? Why had I lost my purpose while living it? What was I supposed to do about it now? I had mouths to feed, bodies to hug, and family to encourage and grow. Maybe it was time to wake up from thinking I could ever build wealth and purposeful success with what I had to offer. I felt defeated, and I felt like I was failing my family. I know I was failing myself in more ways than one.
We drove home, and pulled up to a half dead garden and hot weather. My semi-curtesy order of Arbonne was sitting on my doorstep, and like any of us, a little glimmer of excitement shot through my body. Who doesn’t like getting packages? I opened up my package, and grazed through the product list, remembering how much I truly enjoyed learning about pure products and high quality health. I researched herbalism and natural remedies for years writing my first book, and it was really joyful to sink back into earth-honoring ways of taking care of your body. I was also desperate to rejuvenate my poor, limp, thinning hair. Funny the things that get us to actually do something, right? A girl has her standards! I didn’t know it at the time, but I had asked the Gods for help and it was being placed gently in my lap.
I woke up, took my healthy skin elixir and multivitamin, thought nothing of it. Results from intake like this take a while and I was willing to be patient. Worked out for the first time in a while, a promise I had made myself before leaving to Nevada. I used to be a gym rat and it was time to earn back those endorphins and agility. For fun, I thought to use my new fizz sticks as a pre-workout, because I didn’t have any, and I’ve never loved the jitters they give me. Not only did I sale through a workout I haven’t been able to complete for months, I wasn’t even burnt out! I could feel a twinkle return to my eye. I hopped in the shower, and thought to myself, I may as well jump in with all this stuff, and decided to use my new Arbonne shampoo instead of what I already had. Still being a little skeptical about the raving reviews, I put it to the test, attempting to comb my rat’s nest without the aid of detangler or leave in conditioner. My jaw hit the counter top. I didn’t need it. So for what I paid for shampoo and conditioner that damaged my hair, I was getting instant results and saving money by not having to buy extra product. For the first time in a while I felt truly excited, and truly excited to tell literally everyone else!
I suddenly realized how divinely aligned Arbonne was with my path. The products support my approach to health and wellness (from inside out), the quality is Earth-honoring and self-honoring, and the business opportunity is going to allow me to stay at home, where my family needs me, while contributing to our wealth.
I cannot tell you how hard it has been for me to sit on the sidelines, watching my husband dedicate himself to the needs of raising a family. I know he’s stressed and under pressure, I know our journey has often robbed him of his joy both at home and at work. I’ve seen the bags under his eyes as he searches over and over for a way to grow out of where we are now. He is the truest man I have ever known, and I could not stand feeling like I wasn’t utilizing myself better. That’s not to diminish my role of mother, which I adore and place above everything else. I know the importance I have within our home, but I also wanted more. I wanted to help lift the load off his shoulders, I wanted to give him his passion back, and ability to dream. And now I can. I already am. We have survived for two and a half years. It’s time to live again.
I didn’t intend for this post to go the way it did, but speaking from the heart rarely does. If you’ve spent any time around me, you know how important it is to my life purpose that I share these things as a beacon of light to anyone searching for the same soul fulfillment I aspire to experience. You know how important authenticity, transparency, and love are to me. This is just another step into the unknown, into the process, into the belief that I (and my family) deserve to dream and realize those dreams. And all I have to do is immerse myself in the things I love, honor the earth, honor myself, and share the successful results? Uh, okay!
Below I am going to share this hair thing, because I’m a Leo, and without good hair I think I lose some of my sparkle. I can chat about this stuff all day long, but it doesn’t mean much without factual additive that does not rely on you trusting me (even though you can). Just imagine, if this Arbonne shampoo can radically change my hair with two topical applications, imagine what their vitamins and body treatments achieve?
Remember, health and wellness starts within, and even the simplest act of exterior care can alter the flow of your journey within, to feed your soul and grow your light.
Left to right: My hair two weeks ago, swept to one side to hide how flat and thin it was. Then my shock after the first wash then putting it up and sweating during errands all day, the next on my way back from another day of sweating through museums all afternoon, and then day three when my hair is usually bogged with oil and strangles but is still shiny with volume.
Here’s a link to the products and my official announcement that I am now a believer and an Arbonne Consultant. My path to total fulfillment has finally begun. I have a vision and a way through authentic expression, and I want to share it with you.
Chase Your Darling: Discover your soul path and unique purpose 